Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Decisions, Decisions...

Decision can be regarded as the mental processes resulting in the selection of a course of action among several alternatives. Every decision making process produces a final choice. The output can be an action or an opinion of choice - Wikipedia.

This is something that I've been struggling with for these past few days. Awhile ago, you just know what to decide what you want and how you want it or with who or whatever. As time passes by, you tend to have more complicated decision making due to you considering other factors and as part of you 'growing up'. What if this is decided like that? What if this is decided like this? And you tend to weigh the possible outcomes if this and that happens.

What I had to decide is not something EASY for me but I have a feeling some may think otherwise and what I do is intentionally. Since it involves how your heart feels and its hard to base it on logic eventhough it could be but when you're talking about your feelings, the heart wants what it wants.

Life is challenging as it is and you will keep guessing what's next for you in your life. Some people may not really care however in my case, I'll have all sorts of questions in my head literally all the time even when I'm at the peak of implementing my work and in my sleep! This then I'd say requires patience and relaxation (which I don't know how to). But you just can't help it can you? Sigh.

Will I ever continue my Degree? If so, when and where? Will I ever believe in marriage? Will I ever have a loyal, loving, understanding husband? Will I ever have a baby? How will my career path go? Should I find a second job? What should I do tonight? What is mom and dad thinking of me nowdays? When can I be an aunty? What human-being will I become in this world and as a Muslim?

These are some of it...The list of course could go on and on and on.

Whatever happened to me recently is something I really regret and I really, really, really wished it didn't happen or rather happened otherwise. But I had to make a decision that puts myself first (which is something I rarely do) but I'd have to hurt with what I have decided. All I can do is pray hard and hope that I'll be able to move on from this painful experience that I've encountered. I take every pain and experience as God's test for him having something better saved for me later on.

When I Look At You - Everybody needs inspiration, everbody needs a song, a beautiful melody, when the nights are long, cause there's no guarantee, that this life is easy...

1 comment:

  1. ya allah, this is the very exact same thing happens to me. :( things have been so so so hard for me. :(

    (came acrross your blog)